Time to Change My Ink (#RoninNoMore)

 

The Ronin Must Rest. So, who am I without the moniker of a warrior or a sage? A mythic wielding a blade? Simply who I'm supposed to be - Me.

Change.

Its something that has been a constant for me. Sometimes for the better, but mostly driven with the tinge of fear and uncertainty coded deep in my DNA like a double helix; transmission from my ancestors that what is there will not be there for long...so cling tight and make the most of it while you can. 

I was taught that stability is a luxury we can only afford through invisible faith and hard work through grind and hustle, manipulation, and scraping the plate of others while those that have what we seek plot for and celebrate our downfall - physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I am no stranger to change, sometimes on an internal whim; a whisper in the wind. Other times its because life was preparing me to take a loss and transmute it into what could be a long game win - but I'd often never see it that way in the beginning. 

All I saw was Pain and the harsh truth that whatever I built was fated to collapse again - I didn't see it as a blessing but only a generational curse passed through the blood and chromosomes of those that lived that life same as me, different times different circumstance. 

Everything from resources to good grades in School to love to my creative ventures, everything I stood for has been destroyed and rebuilt, but none more so than the core of what was left after the damage of failure and loss was done with me. 

What remained of me I had to recompose, redirect, glue, paste, and staple together, a modern day Frankenstein; a man and a monster forged for modern times. The shades of the past etched in every crevasse, reminders of what once was and what was likely to be again - the fall. 

But there's beauty in that, is there not? 

That with every fall, we have the ability to feel, to grieve, to see what worked and what didn't. To take what worked and find a way to strengthen it knowing that the past will always be in the past. There's a chance for failure but there's the chance for rebirth too. We choose which way we want to see it, but for some of us like me, its an internal fight as much as an external one; the desire to be seen, heard, understood, and supported. How about to just Be who we are truly meant to be?

So like some of you, I ask myself, who is that supposed to be exactly?
 

Ronin No More

I've evolved so much in life as a person that I can't even recall how many changes I went through. How many times I had to block out the critic in my head telling me how messed up it was that I chose the paths I did; those voices echoing who I thought were other people - those that knew me and those who walked passed me barely seeing what lay behind my tired eyes and worn frame. 

Disappointed family members.

 Absent friends that said they would be there when they weren't fully there with themselves.

 Lovers come and gone, even ones I dealt damage to, not knowing that I was not only part of a script to sabotage, but that I agreed to it - justified it. 

I created those losses, but what if I could create the wins?

What if I had to change who I was, not for them, but for me? What if I had to take a step back and take no action other than observation, questioning, and subtle research into myself, my values, my beliefs, the script placed in front of me as a blue print to follow; X marks the spot on the treasure chest that had no real location except within. 

And my treasure? I'm on the verge of discovering it - but there's a version of me that I must surrender to get to it: The Ronin that Writes, himself. 

I've worn aliases like clothes, each serving a different purpose; a different phase in my life. The Ronin was the wielder of truth as a blade in the shadows, his purpose to carve light into his own traumas and expose societal shadows. He was the project and the author. He was the warrior and the sage demanding that others saw what he was able to craft like their lives depended on it. But he still carried the flaw that the other personas did too, he forgot himself in that equation, and now he's forced to see that form fall away - through internal change.

The truth is, he reflected nature, as did all the other iterations of who I was, or rather who I portrayed. He - like all the others - were merely a bridge to the next stage of consciousness. He was one bred from my own shadows to shed light on what needed to be expressed. He was the warrior that I didn't yet have the heart to be. He was the tactician, the survivalist. But at this point in my life, I don't want to strive to survive, I truly want to live, my way. 

So I relinquish the soul of the Ronin that Writes, he served me well to get me here, so now who is left?

Me - I'm Max, and I'm Unskrypted. 
 

I Define What Is Unskrypted

So, who am I without the moniker of a warrior or a sage? A mythic wielding a blade? One that brings life? A sensei that spoke like a guru? A Libra walking the tightrope of balance while the cosmos blow their currents of chaos and order to keep me leveled?

I don't have a perfect answer just yet - other than I am a man that just wants to express himself through what he creates; and my realm is that of writing. 

No more wielding of weapons and shields, but truth, a pen, a notebook, a keyboard or keypad. Maybe one day even spoken. 

I've lived in darkness so long that it's become my skin, but I miss the light that's only within, and the writing is the way to let the light in me out. 

Light that's been sitting and settling under the dirt and grime of old believes of scarcity and fear for decades. My inner child pushing against the closing boulders and rocks within my mind fighting to breathe; its time I truly give him life.

Its why I'd been feeling off lately. A silent yet resonating disconnect from damn near everything I stood for or agreed to subSCRIBE to. 

Nothing of the Script feels right anymore. 

The Chase. 

The Pleasing.

 Even the appeasement of the old resonance of people I knew.

It's no longer the same, because deep down its time to change.

So today I miss-label the SCRIPT; Misspell it on purpose....and make it my own one word at a time. 

UNSKRYPTED

Its time to express myself. To have fun with the process of writing, from the creation to the revision of it. I want to be the version of myself that doesn't hide. That doesn't bite his tongue. That doesn't follow the path we're told to follow to be successful...that version of success isn't really for me. 

Wearing my mind and body down for scraps? No

Saying Yes when my body isn't sure or resonates with the answer of No? No

Get Rich Quick? No

Seek mass appeal and societal clout? No

Stay silent when my soul wants to speak? No

Scramble desperately for an endless search for validation? No.

Become a guru? Talk down to people in the shadows like me? No.

None of that fits anymore. I want to write from a place of deep thought and feelings intertwined. I want to share my observations so that those who are willing are able to see...and that includes myself. I want to live true to my words - and this is how it starts.

This is how it begins, with my presence, with me being right here.

It's time to change my ink, because that's where the journey is. 

Write with Me; From the Bronx to Infinity.

#Unskryptedtruth #RoninNoMore #Maxunskrypted #OpenLoops #StillHere #NewComplexity