Where the F*ck is the Fun?

Are you truly having Fun in Life Right Now? Let's take a moment to be REAL...

What's up Outcasts. It's been a minute. 

I'm in the process of moving to The Lone Star State of Texas as I write this, for the second time in my life. While riding I stared at the scenery and came across a corporate headquarters of some company whose bricks had the same dirty reddish brown luster as Mosholu and River Park Towers back in my old stomping grounds in the Bronx. 

Instantly I found myself chuckling about the many times a bunch of friends of mine would head out on a hot summer day to pay $1 at the time, to go to FDR State Park Pool to swim and fuck around and find out, doing some of the most off the wall things only kids from the hood would do. We weren't a savage bunch but we were wild and free through play. 

That was one of the ways I used to have fun back in the day, and that visualization of what was also brought me back to about a year ago when my son asked me "What did you do for fun in Texas" (or something to that effect) and to be honest I couldn't answer the question because I'd honestly forgotten how to have FUN! I couldn't remember Texas and I couldn't really remember the last time I was an adult and got to have some straight up Fun... And that led me here today to ask the hard question because I'm sure the lot of us grown and sexy people probably don't know the answer to this question: Where The Fuck is the Fun?

Fun Growing Up Was a Wild Mix

I think my best time to be alive was between late elementary and mid high school years. I had friends. In some ways I was a lot more social than I am now, even though I can joke around much easier and have an off the wall conversation. 

During those years you had to start learning about shit, but it was a time where you weren't fully responsible for shit - and that made you let your hair down. 

I remember doing things like street wrestling. A group of us would pretend like we were our favorite WWE/WCW/ECW wrestling stars from back in the day. We would group up into stables and have some random ass matches on concrete, cars, old mattresses, sometimes even inside buildings just because. Of course we knew our limits and we didn't go as hard as the actual guys would - we were safe. 

We'd also rile up some wild dogs behind fences praying to the lord they wouldn't find a way to break free and find us. 

We had After-school and Teen Night programs to keep us occupied for a few hours while our parents either worked or got themselves settled in for a recharge before we'd come knocking on the door for dinner or a snack. 

My mom used to take me to good old Saint James Park to run around and burn all that energy. If not, it would be the Subway train rides on the 4, D, L, A, or the 2 line to see the sights and inspire me further to want to be one of the people that conducted the trains themselves. 

When the weather was ass, let's not forget we had slumber parties, sleep overs, and video game button mash-fests that had us break dawn before church services so we were groggy as fuck. Streets of Rage to the Death! (Oh, and Separation Anxiety with Spider-Man and Venom for honorable mention) 

Oh and how dare I forget my creative play sessions, where I'd have my Ninja Turtles and all my other various figurines having a wild ass fight to see who would win. Pulling out my Zakks to find new things to build. The Batman Returns 300-piece jigsaw puzzle that I would put together and pull apart at least once a month to do because it was my favorite. 

Those were just a few of the ways I had fun and got a slice of joy out of life. But now I wonder, why could that not remain? What changed and why did the fun just.. Stop?

 Why Did Fun Just Stop?

 Looking back, and I hate to say it this way, but once I had kids, the reality set in that I had to be an adult - which meant that I had to be the adult. I had to be the one that had rules for this life shit for them to emulate and follow. In a way I set the path to eroding my sense of fun because I felt like I had to be serious to be a good parent. 

In that way, I ended up disdained with how my kiddos played so wild and loud, or what they were interested in for that matter. The other piece was I became so damn tired doing what I thought a responsible adult was supposed to do. Work - Cook - Clean: and repeat. All of this would lead to burnout where I'd have no energy to fake a smile and fake full interest in what they were into. 

I know, sounds like I'm a parent that doesn't give a shit about his kids outside of making sure that they are prepared for the life outside of our home. That, to me, is what our primary mission should be. To prepare them and show them love. 

But there's a part of me that feels bad that I'm not the fun father I used to be. I used to do dance parties for them in the living room a couple years ago when they were younger. Now it's like even they don't want that. Roblox and YouTube took over and that's all they focus on. I can't blame anyone but us parents (especially me since this is my moment). 

So I asked where the fun went and why. It's because we're indoctrinated to take life seriously. To succeed. 

To survive at all costs or else people will rise before you do and may take advantage of you, or you of them. We want to give the image of having everything under control. 

No time for anyone or anything outside of that scope... 

And in the process I mourn putting the knife in the chest of the fun that I should've been having from time to time. 

Does anyone else feel this way? That they feel alone in this? That they don't even know what would be fun for them without going out drinking or clubbing? 

What about our occupations? What about our creative work? It's supposed to be fun and engaging and yet there's so many traits skills and talents you have to strive to build or maintain to have your works see the light of day, and in some ways mine are still buried under the world collapsing in on itself. 

I guess the real question I leave you with is... How do you find FUN in your life? 

What is it that moves you to become like a kid again and leave caution, standards, and expectations to the wind, even if just for but a fraction of a moment?

 #OpenLoops #StillHere #CompassChecks #Fun #Play