For Those Who Can't Let Go - Comfort From Lao Tzu

 

It's hard to let go sometimes. But in "loss" there is also a gain.

New beginnings are often distinguished as painful endings. - Lao Tzu

 

 

When you think of the phrase "The End" what comes to mind? What emotions are you filled with? Does it fill you with joy knowing that you had a chance to gain experience and embrace the highs and lows of the journey?

Or are you fearful of it, because you've struggled or made countless mistakes and the end means you failed?

What the End Truly Is

The End comes in many forms. It can mean a significant part of your life wrapping up, like retiring from the military under honorable conditions. It can also come in the form of a relationship ending abruptly through an argument or through distance. What Lao Tzu tells us here is that we need to embrace what is finished, and see it as a chance to start something new.

We must understand that what we view as the ending is a clear the path for new beginnings. A restart. A refresh. A reset to knock the bugs out of our systems. 

The same applies to Life and Death. We fear Death because we are never prepared for it. It comes and claims someone or something that holds value in our lives. We realize that time is something we can never control and it terrifies us. There's never enough money to prolong the inevitable, yet we try so hard to test our biological limits. But time will always win the race at a walking pace...minute by minute...second by second. Death enables transition, transcendence, and transformation. When looking at it that way, is that so scary to fathom?

Think about it in terms of Life. In an instant we are conceived with intercourse or medical insertion. Sure, it takes nine months to cultivate and grow, but that is because of the biological limitation to carry without causing complications to the carrier. Conceiving is but a small portion of Life...and so is Death, no matter how long it takes. This is part of the balance we can never escape. So why not be grateful for it? 

What Makes Letting Go Difficult (especially for me)

You wanna know why we get uncomfortable with letting go? I'll let you in on a little secret... 

Because we get attached to what's been present for so damn long. Especially people or having a certain team or luxury. 

For me, its been the Quest for love and intimacy, even under the guise of maybe alittle lust (it happens, let's be real). Each time I'd gotten to connect with someone at an attraction level, I became attached. I would fall hard fast, hoping to keep this amazing person - this amazing feeling with me for as long as I'd live. Of course I would be oblivious to the laws of nature in that what we attach to has a way of no longer holding its presence or it's value. All things erode, including bonds... And whether they drifted or I drifted, it still wounded me in the heart. 

Just recently, I hurt someone yet again by sharing the truth about wanting to reunify my family, and me speaking my truth at the wrong time (because there's never a right time when it comes to people and feelings, is there?) and me knowing I devastated that person after we fell in love with one another was a crushing blow... Not just for her but for me too because I have attachments with people, especially those I care for or those that love or loved me. It's in my nature. 

Me hurting her hurt me because I was attached to them as well as how I portrayed myself. 

In that moment I saw myself as a heartless monster for stabbing with the truth... Story of my life it seems. 

Let's circle back on something, it hurt because I was attached. Attached to her because for a time she was part of my identity. A really good damn part of it to be honest. Someone I deeply connected with on some Twin-flames shit, and I destroyed it and a part of myself for several months last year.

Or did I really? 

Looking at what Lao Tzu said in his quote, this new beginning was indeed a bittersweet ending. 

But it's still a beginning. A chance to do right. A chance to put past exploits behind me once and for all and put my energy back into enriching my family right here, whether it's pearly gates and heart-shapes all the time, or not. 

It's a chance for me to reset not only the situation, but who I am. Who I am supposed to be - a man of honor. 

The path I chose all those years was not honorable. But I can, and will make a difference. It may not be the vision that I once promised the woman I hurt, but it is a chance to start things over, make things right for myself and put an end to a long history of chasing and trying to find another partner out of fear and desperation. 

It's a chance to really hunker down and heal my own love wounds. Perhaps I can finally detach from that way of living and loving. 

How Do We Attach in Life? 

We're bred for survival of our selves and what surrounds us. They become part of our identity and inner world. Things like:

Partners

Our Jobs or Titles

Money Flow (Income, Investments, Trusts) 

Health

Kids

Belongings

Accolades 

Legacies

Thoughts

Beliefs

Standards 

Values

So long as things remain in place it's a sign that we are surviving and thriving. That we are set. That we are safe. That we are doing our part. 

But when something slips, our world shatters. Some take it harder than others. It ultimately depends on the person. Some are resistant to the pain of endings. Some panic as soon as there's an apparent clue that the end is near and they scramble to control every aspect and outcome to make sure that loss doesn't happen. 

But it does as soon as we obtain the object or person of desire. It's bound to happen. There's always evolution, decomposition, misplacement, misalignment, even the fear of having what we wanted so badly. 

But instead of controlling what's beyond our reach and regretting what is coming, what if we did something different?

What if we took time to reflect and honor what we had all along? What if we were instead grateful? 

Be Thankful to Help Heal the Heart

When something comes to an end, we should take the time to be grateful. Maybe not so much for the outcome, but for the journey itself. To be here, in the present moment. To experience it. To learn from it and to grow from it. At first, being grateful from an adverse event can be difficult. You may not be able to make sense of having gratitude at first because it hurts so much. But with the understanding that nothing lasts forever, including the seasons in nature, it can ease the burden of regret, agony, and depression.

 Even Nature Has to Let Go

If you are reading this, struggling to come to grips with something precious coming to an end, know that healing will take time. It will take time to let reality sink in and for you to fit yourself back into it.

You will need to co-create a new reality.

Everything in nature has an ending, we humans are no different.

But, with something ending, or something lost, we are open to receive newness and abundance through our thoughts and experiences.

Take time to heal by doing. Do what makes you happy and fills you with completeness. Don't let anything or anyone stand in your way.

One of my favorite quotes from Epictetus reminds us to never say of anything that we have lost it. Instead, we keep our heads high and merely return it back to nature. At first glance it's hard as fuck to do. But, with time and practice, it too will get easier to embrace. 

#QuotesAndAlchemy #IAmRonin #StillHere #Outcasts #Resilience #LettingGo 

Notes from the Field: For those of you whose ending is a victory, congratulations! You've accomplished something wonderful. But do not get too comfortable with your titles and accolades.

Soon after your announcement to the world, challenges will arise to thwart, test, and mold you. You've made it this far right? Whats another attachment to release to lessen our suffering?

What are your thoughts on endings? 

What is something you had to let go of? 

Was it difficult for you? If so, why? 

Let me know in the comments! Until next time.