Let's Chill for a Minute (The Long Awaited Pause)

Come through and chill with me by the fire. I know its been a bit since you last heard from me.

What's up Outcast?
You came to the right place.
Come sit down by the fire with me. You won't get burned I promise.

Making some s'mores too, so dig in.

It's been awhile and I know what you might be thinking.

"Bruh you didn't post last week, what happened?"

Truth is, I honored myself and took a knee.
I needed to take a pause, a breath of fresh air for a few bits of time.

Don't look at me like that, acting like I don't bust my ass. 

Like this writing shit off the top from the inside out ain't tough work week after week, day after day.

Because it is... Along with everything else I somehow juggle. 

Fatherhood, "Real Work" and hardest of them all - figuring my shit out through my inner work.

Last bars I dropped here were about the inner child, the true version of us that tells the truth we don't want ourselves or others to see...
And real shit, what I wrote struck a chord with me.

I needed to evaluate me. To dig deep with a vernacular scalpel and examine me.. And that needed some time and some recharge, so I could find my way forward in a meaningful way.

So before you nudge me and say that time ain't forever, that movement with consistency creates success; with respect - Fuck no, I disagree.

The Value of a Pause

A pause doesn't mean I'm no longer consistent. It doesn't mean I'm wasting time. It doesn't mean that I'm waving goodbye to success.

Pause means you get a chance to enjoy life! You enjoy life in the moment you live it, as well as in contemplation. The present itself is a gift, so why not give that gift to yourself?

So many of us fly through life by the seat of our pants. Or the other extreme, we draft up dozens of contingency plans to force our hand in fate for a particular outcome only to be ruined in the process.

I've done both and it led to a dissociation with myself and burnout. 

Burnout ain't fun because there is no movement with it. You can't force or will it. Like a vehicle without gas, you can't move it. Sure you can tow it, but when you get it to where it needs to go, you still need to fix the problem of it not having fuel. The vehicle has to be replenished and to do that, you have to accept that it cannot move without the fuel.

You have to take a moment of pause - to rest, to recalibrate, to reset.

Just today, I pulled an Oracle Card that said I needed to schedule a Self-care day ASAP, and so I did. I reserved time for myself to just be. To think. To process things I otherwise wouldn't.

I had a chance to just enjoy life as it flowed, and that is ultimately what I want. For myself and my family to be able to observe the moments and enjoy them. To cease our suffering because we (with me at the helm) keep forcing ourselves to earn while taking a toll on our wellbeing.

Resting does NOT pave the Road to Failure

I know there's people out there that say they can't rest. They can't take a knee because people depend on them. 

They want to be first to achieve ssomething. 

They want to be the best. 

They want to fucking win! I get all of that.

For me, I didn't want to rest because people depended on me and if I rested that meant I'd lose momentum which meant procrastination and failure. I ignored the fact that I'd often overcommit to save face and keep people around me happy while avoiding negative Judgement.

But the biggest sin was - I was ignoring how I really felt about the doing. I did things that didn't give me the inner spark like oh shit this resonates with me. I didn't take into account everything else I had going on. I just said "aight I'll be a good friend, co-worker, father, and husband." I didn't honor me because I didn't take time to rest and observe. Why? Because of my underlying fear of failure and disappointment of others.

But I'm not gonna let that fear rule me anymore. I'm gonna own it.

Pause is an Act of Freedom

When you Pause, it's an opportunity to make and honor a choice. Sometimes pause is forced upon us, when we've exhausted all means to do something and yet we can't get through.

Other times we take pause because it's an act of freedom through choice. We honor ourselves to take the pause and come back refreshed.

Like I tell my son when he rage quits, step away from it for a bit and then come back and kill it. He will most of the time tell me NO. However he learns that his rage won't let him get the W he so desperately seeks when he is overstimulated.

I've learned to appreciate the pauses because I get to put myself first. My well being first. I have a chance to recharge my mind and either come up with a different strategy in my own time or realize what I'm doing no longer is the objective. I let myself know no matter what, my peace matters and I can come back to it when I so choose... And it's fucking empowering.

I've been working on not making myself feel guilty for not doing it like everyone else, and taking regular pauses to indulge in ME is a beautiful thing.

So yes I took pause. I am refreshed with a new focus - to really home in on this inner child shit. There's a lot in my head and the best way to do it is one piece at a time. Some Candid Journal Shoots about my speed of life.

On that note, I'll leave you with some quotes. I hope it resonates and encourages you not to be ashamed, afraid, or pressured to keep pushing when you know you need a break. Time is forever, therefore it can and will always move. As for living things, rest preserves all aspects of our health.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” – Sydney J. Harris

“The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.” – Anonymous

So let's breathe a bit, enjoy some smores, and I'll catch you on the next drop 💧

 

#CompassChecks #DiscardedInsights #IAmRonin #Outcasts #StillHere #SelfCare